LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX BABY.. OR more specifically lack of feelings or sensitivity during sex.
What’s stopping you truly from connecting with yourself and your sexual energy?
After my video the other day on how to overcome sexual abuse, I’ve had a fair few messages.
One of my inspirations for doing the video was that I know so many people who have been abused and I know how it feels to feel alone and feel like there’s something wrong with you.
Once you get to that place of knowing that it happened for a reason and that having been through those experiences adds to who you are not takes away, it can be incredibly liberating.
ONE THING however that is often the case as a result of having been sexually abused, is that your sexual drive will either be higher than most or lower… your sexual sensitivity may be higher, but often lower as you’ve switched off part of yourself to get through the experience, or there is still trauma lying dormant in your sexual organs.
The other thing that can happen is that due to the shame, guilt or simply feeling like there’s something wrong with you etc.. you will shut off parts of your feelings and sexual enjoyment at those times of trauma or as time goes by. You may even manifest something like a virus or a condition which amplifies the effects and affects your sex life and feelings in your body.
**** I REMEMBER *** not too many years ago meeting a sexual bodyworker. What this means is they are skilled in some kind of tantra massage or de-armouring as it relates to sexual experiences.
I was keen to learn what I didn’t know I didn’t know. She lay me down and massaged my penis (called a rainbow massage) and within seconds I was going somewhere else.. I was seeing colours and experiencing something similar to being on a hallucinogenic substance.
She brought me back to my body and started asking a lot of questions as she touched different areas of my genitals.
After a few minutes she asked if she could ask me a personal question.
“Duke have you ever been sexually abused?”
“Yes” I replied.
“Ok that makes sense then. I’m touching you in areas that most men are very responsive to and you can’t even feel it”
She asked me lots of questions as she asked different things and I soon had flashbacks and realised when I’d left my body to deal with the abuse, I’d also shut parts of myself down.
NOW in my younger years I seemed to be able to have sex for longer than the average bear. What I didn’t know though was it was due in part to my insensitivity.
SEX is something amazing. It’s something to be enjoyed and ultimately an amazing tool to allow you to grow and ascend towards source/universe/god and influence every aspect of your life in a positive way.
Maybe you weren’t abused, maybe you’ve just had some bad sexual experiences.
Maybe you’ve had your heart broken or someone tell you you weren’t nice to look at naked…?
There could be a whole host of reasons WHY your sensitivity and sex life doesn’t feel as good as it could,
EVEN just disassociating from your feelings can lower how connected and how much you feel during SEX!
BUT take it from me
You don’t need pills
You don’t need an operation
You can start with some simple steps! Tonight if ya like… it is a Friday after all 😉
Learn to reconnect with your body again (orgasm and pleasure is often started in brain, but it’s our separation from the body that causes so much of a barrier to experiencing pleasure)
Learn to reawaken those feelings
It doesn’t matter what has caused you to disassociate from those feelings of desire, from those natural chemicals to be released at their optimal
It doesn’t matter what anyone has told YOU before now…
Believe that it’s possible
Start with some of these simple steps below. There’s more in Dr Andrea Pennington’s book The Orgasm Prescription for Women and for you guys, check out Mantak Chia’s work as a starting point.
1. In the morning take some deep breaths and allow yourself to feel gratitude. Set the intention for the day and make a statement to yourself or out loud that you deserve pleasure
2. Throughout the day, take time to notice rich moments. Everything from the sunset, to a babies smile. Acknowledge people, smile at them and be present with as many rich feeling moments as you can throughout the day
3. Eat consciously and savor the flavors. Notice the flavors, tastes and textures. Be present with how you feel.
4. Consciously breathe as often as you can and check in with how you’re feeling at any given moment (imagine asking your body as a separate entity almost)
5. Touch yourself daily Explore, tease yourself and take your time. Bring yourself to orgasm and practice moving the energy around your body.
These are just starting principles. I interviewed Dr Andrea Pennington on my ManClub podcast this week. In it she talks about the mistakes men are making as well as how to reconnect with your body, as well what couples can start doing together for better sex.
Check it out on the blog: http://manclub.co/
Subscribe on iTunes: http://llconnect.co/
Have the courage to go there. There is no reason why you can’t have amazing sex as a man or woman. Your experiences don’t have to shape you. Your experiences are there to overcome and embrace who you truly are… including someone who has mind blowing orgasms 😉
Have an amazing weekend peops!