Last night my daughter made me cry
So the other night Luyana made me cry.
It was a late night for both of us coming back from central London… and she was asking me (the way only kids can) to let her stay up later so we could play some more games.
For what feels like the first time, I agreed. She had no school tomorrow and we didn’t have to be anywhere the next day.
We splayed games till late, so late in fact that I was fading fast…
She looked at me with glee as I lay down on knackered..
“That means I can sleep with you then Daddy…?”
She already her pyjamas on, and like a well executed plan, as soon as I lay down, she had her body lined up to fall down next to me..
“Yay that means I can snuggle Daddy”
She cuddle up to my shoulder and fell asleep almost instantly…
I wasn’t quite ready to sleep yet, and it all seemed to have happened so fast…
I lay there and (as I’m able to do) I followed the energy of her thought patterns back..
AND as I did.. the tears started to stream down my face.
As I followed her decisions and thought patterns…
I realised, that she wasn’t so interested in having more food, or playing games so late into the night…
BUT in fact, she was looking for reasons to tire me out, so subjugate the usual night time routine, so that she could sleep with me… but more importantly so she could get to cuddle up to me
NOW I hug her plenty enough, there’s no issue there..
BUT as I lay in bed, sifting through her decision making processes, I discovered she was running a program
A program that said, you have to have a reason to cuddle Daddy, there has to be a justification to express or receive love in that way
You might be thinking right now, BIG DEAL…
The reason tears rolled down my cheeks as I lay there, as she slept so peacefully next to me, was I saw flash after flash of 100’s of clients I’ve seen who’ve had the same program…
AND the way it can affect your life…
Such a small decision that you can’t just have the love you want from Masculine (in my daughters case) or Feminine without there being a viable enough reason paves way to the kind of external reality where you feel you have to do so much for someone, before you can receive love…
Where you block receiving love, money, friendship… because you “should” have done something or there needs to be a specific or special occasion first, before you can receive…
AND already at 7 years old, if I try and hug my daughter more, she often palms it off as unrequired, yet there’s a part of her that does really want it and even at 7 years old, she already feels she has to justify it…
SO my invitation to you, is to go inside and ask yourself, what do you truly want?
How do you feel most loved and what makes you feel that way?
Someone doing something for you?
Quality time with someone?
Or like my daughter, physical touch…?
NOW… begin to notice, when you’re with someone and you’d like to feel that with them, what’s the internal dialogue that comes with it?
Do you feel you need to have “deserved” it first, or can you just ask for what you want?
Awareness is key and only be continually reflecting and recognising and realising your thoughts, feelings and actions at any given moment, can you get closer to receiving love just for being you. Be kind to yourself, it won’t happen over night, but trust me when I say, you can be loved in the way you want to be loved… just for being exactly who you are