“How long should grief last Duke?”
Is what I got asked last night on the Experiential Healing call.

We were talking about embracing those feelings that are ever present popping up in our daily lives.

Grief came up. Grief is a fascinating one. Most people who come to me often haven’t acknowledged that part of them, that feels they didn’t have the opportunity to fully acknowledge someone who’s passed, someone who is no longer in their life or a situation that may have happened to them.

Now “THEY” Say there are 5 stages of grief:


and you can’t put an exact time frame on this as everyone is individual..


YOU could get to acceptance in a matter of minutes rather than years.

They also say “time is a healer”…

BUT for me it’s one of the most harmful things that’s said in our culture.

TIME isn’t a healer. EMBRACING the pain is! It’s just with time, reflection can sometimes happen.


Let me explain..

I’ve had 100’s of clients come to me letting me know how they don’t understand why they feel depressed, because “you know, I’ve dealt with that stuff already”

Yet when I feel into their energy, the little boy/girl in them says otherwise..

Or when they talk about their ex, I feel the deep emotional hurt still in their energy.

Or a client comes to me and questions WHY right now they have money issues and their boss is treating them so badly. Then when I access their energy I feel the loss of their father passing and the decision around the abandonment from masculine, but WORST still..

Is the pain that still resides from the fact they weren’t given the acknowledgement they needed at the time of their fathers passing.

All you need at such a tragic time is someone to say “I’m here for you, I know this must be hard, what do you need?”

BUT instead what often happens in such times is everyone around you is struggling to deal with the situation and therefore have no capacity to be there for you.

OR when you and your ex broke up, you had work commitments, family commitments and friends telling you to get back on the saddle to forget him/her.

BUT what the little girl/boy in you really needed was to be with the pain. To embrace it and ask “why does this hurt so much?” “when did I first feel such sadness?”
“who does this person who’s left my life remind me of.. truly?”


AND WHAT you’ll find..


The sooner you can embrace the pain, embrace the sadness and ask “Where does this sadness truly come from?” “what age of me feels this sadness?”

YOU WILL find that it’s not just personal to your current situation.

AND naturally..

Your EGO will throw it’s toys out of the pram and try and keep you in your story..


Because as you continually tell every person you meet about what happened and WHY

Or you shut yourself off in the secret hope that someone will reach out to you

BOTH forms are forms of looking for acknowledgement..


You can start acknowledging yourself and get to that place of peace yourself quicker.

Without the need to feel


I’m sorry for whatever you might have gone through

I’m sorry for however you might be feeling right now

I’m sorry for that part of you that’s scared that this pain might never leave you

BUT know this…

The sooner you embrace the pain, the sadness, the quicker YOU CAN return to peace, joy and love

and if your EGO is telling you “NO!” don’t listen to that knobhead Duke Sayer… that’s cool too…

BUT just let your EGO know, with love, that time isn’t a healer.
That pain just lies dormant, festering away deep down somewhere within you, causing you to act differently as a result


That loves you so much, is going to force your EGO’s hand at some point and bring it to the surface..

So you might as well embrace it now and know that your life will be impacted in a positive way (in a compound effect way), across all areas of your life, as you reclaim that part of yourself


For anything you may have gone through.. or are currently going through..

Start with the following so that you don’t need to go through “the 5 steps of grief”

1. What decisions have/did you make at the time?

2. How are those decisions affecting your life now?

3. What feelings did you feel? What did you need at the time?

4. What beliefs have you made and what actions have you been taking as a result?

5. How is it currently affecting your life? What’s showing up in your reality? What’s showing up in your body? Emotions?

6. How are you sabotaging what you want as a result?

7.What is the gift of the situation?

NOW the last one might have you questioning..

BUT you see, everything shows up in your life for a reason.

AND once you realise WHY this “situation” has shown up in your.. truly… it’s a game changer!

There are no coincidences and when you can get to the point of truly feeling this..

YOU will get excited next time something “sad” shows up in your life.

BECAUSE you know, even if it hurts, deep down, that around the corner, the levels of peace, joy, compassion, empathy and love that you are able to experience will be deepened.

P.S. If you haven’t watched the film Inside Out where sadness (in the image) realises how important she is to everyone’s happines, it’s a great one to get your kids asking you questions about emotions!

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