HAVE YOU EVER HAD A PIECE OF MUSIC TAKE YOU BACK TO A PLACE YOU DIDN’T KNOW STILL EXISTED?
It all started when I really started asking “Why I you do what I do?”
So right now I’m sat down pen and paper in hand writing down my goals, my values and how my values and the company I’m working with are aligned and how we can help each other…
WHY AM I DOING THIS?!
I love this company and love their aims, objectives, values and overall ethos..
If the people you’re working with or aligning with are not in alignment with your values, then long term you’re not going to achieve what you could otherwise achieve. AND of course this goes for everything in life.
Weight loss, business, relationships… your family even. It’s going to be difficult to have a fruitful relationship with yourself or others if you want different things… or even worse you have no idea what you want!
What’s powerful though is that after writing over 100 reasons WHY my values are in alignment with the company mission and how we can both help each other, what started to unravel in the grand scheme of things was nothing close to my original thinking… actually more of how I “would” feel rather than accomplishments.
AFTER THE FLOW OF reasons such as getting people to connect with their body, love their body, be inspired, know they could be more than what they ever thought possible and to connect more with the truth of what’s out there (SHIT I miss X-Files!) I realised that what I wanted more than anything was to wake people up and get them to experience the shift I’d experienced..
OUT OF THE BLUE the CEO of the company (where I’m sat right now) decides to put on some music. As it kicked in I couldn’t figure out where I’d heard it before. Then my mind was cast back to the last time I’d heard it.
It was 2011 and business was doing really well. Online health business was thriving. The property business was thriving. I had more money flowing in then what I knew what to do with, so I invested it into property.
…in a space of 6 months it all went horribly wrong.
I had 15 properties going through at the same time. The finance was there. The mortgages were approved. On paper it was all good. Nothing could go wrong. The ROI and yield were insane and there was nothing to STOP me from pulling off such a meticulous plan.
THEN IT WENT HORRIBLY WRONG..
It started off with a guy running off with 20k of my own personal money as part of a property deal (30 others had suffered the same fate).
Then within weeks it appeared that 2 other companies (highly reputable and been used by friends of mine for many other deals) were going the same route. My positive attitude told me otherwise (although the older me would who listens to his gut would now know better), but before I knew it they were starting to drag out dates of completion. To cut a long story short I ended up losing the 15k I had invested (4.5k of it my mums as had wanted to help her invest!).
As I write this the same music that sparked this tirade has now come back around and it’s now flooding back all the emotions and feelings that I never gave myself the permission to feel at the time.
It’s funny how things work, but I was literally asked by one of my best friends the other day how I could talk about things that had happened to me and not be phased by it, get upset etc..
And I told her “Actually the only thing I feel emotions around and still have some stuff around is when business was flying and I lost it all perceptively”
She looked slightly perplexed… and then I explained that when as a child I had my experiences good or bad… they were just that and often out of my control.
BUT as an “adult” as someone working their ass off every day hardly sleeping and to everyone looking in a “success”.. I just felt the complete opposite when it all went horribly wrong
I’d always put a brave face on any situation and always focussed on the positives. I don’t know how I would have got through things at the time if it wasn’t for the unwavering belief that it would get better.
THE ONLY THING IS THOUGH…
Through not giving myself permission to feel.
By not giving myself permission to STOP and acknowledge all that was going on
ALL I’d actually done is delay my success and lost track of what was really important to me
When I started off in business, my primary singular focus was to make money and not to have to struggle the way I’d seen my parents struggle all their life coupled with a deep feeling in my gut/soul that there was a better way of doing everything!
I had the aim to pay off my parents mortgage so they’d no longer have to struggle. So of course the way I went about that was to edge out my family so their negative and critical thinking couldn’t SLOOOOW me down towards achieving my objective.
Unfortunately when you start off on this journey you don’t know what you don’t know.
AND NOW I DO!
I now know that when I started to buy properties, deep down all I wanted was my parents approval. To tell me I was a good son and for them to say they were proud of me (once I figured that out I stopped buying properties).
I changed my career and worked more on my passions. Which has been ace and I’ve loved so much of the last 5 years.
BUT what I hadn’t done
IS give myself permission to feel and acknowledge that despite realising I didn’t want to invest in property anymore and it wasn’t my actual love…
I didn’t actually give myself acknowledgement for the deep seated feeling of FAILING that I’d burdened myself with at the time..
I had set out to achieve a certain GOAL and not achieved it!
My friends and peers would revere at my degree of success.
BUT DEEP DOWN all I felt was that I’d FAILED and missed the goal I’d shot for.
ADD to that along the journey my mum now thinks I’m a money hungry monster and frankly wants nothing to do with me.
I finally feel acceptance of who she is and how she shows up, but was I wasn’t ready for was the last few weeks have brought up some things in me that I frankly hadn’t seen coming.
AND NOW as I write down all the values and all the changes I want to help facilitate in the world.
I REALISE THAT..
YES I want people to be inspired to be more than they ever thought they could be
YES I want to expose the truth and demystify the BS that is in the health/leisure industry and media
YES I want people to reconnect with their bodies and learn how they actually work and interrelate with their thoughts and emotions
BUT what I want more than anything.. is something that has taken me more than anything to realise
and that’s TRUE ACCEPTANCE OF WHO I AM
I’ve made mistakes, I’ve done wrong to others, I’ve not achieved what I set out to, but I can honestly say with awareness that….
I actually accept who I show up as more than any other time in my life and it feels amazing.
THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE DO MORE THAN ANYTHING
Connect with themselves.
Accept those parts of themselves that they are hiding from.
The predator in you, the part of you that wants to cheat, lie, that wants to be selfish, that wants to eat that chocolate cake all by yourself in silence, that part of you that holds onto past hurts, secrets like a cage around you, mistakes, unsaid words…
ALL THOSE PARTS OF YOU that you struggle to accept or don’t acknowledge yourself for the courage you truly have and that ultimately none of it really matters…
It’s all just an experience really.
SO DON’T BE AFRAID TO FEEL
DON’T BE AFRAID TO ADMIT HOW MUCH THINGS HURT TO YOURSELF OR OTHERS
DON’T BE AFRAID TO ACCEPT YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU TRULY ARE RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT
And the second you do that
YOU are closer then 99% of the planet to actually realising your fullest potential and owning and inspiring other people with how you show up
I invite you
ASK yourself, what parts of you are you not accepting?
What parts of you have you not made peace with?
Go there. Don’t be afraid.
and if you have 5 minutes then I invite you to write down all the things you want to do in life. Then write down 100 reasons why you want to do them… and do this every day for 5 days and you’ll be surprised at what starts to unravel 😉
and like the image says… remember! FOR TRUE change to occur, you need to start by accepting where you currently are.. in whatever form or aspect that may be